The Self-image—the Real Secret
Discovery of the self-image explains all the apparent
discrepancies we have been discussing. It is the common
denominator—the determining factor in all our case histories,
the failures as well as the successes.
The secret is this: To really "live," that is to find life
reasonably satisfying, you must have an adequate and
realistic self image that you can live with. You must find
your self acceptable to "you." You must have a wholesome
self-esteem. You must have a self that you can trust
and believe in. You must have a self that you are not
ashamed to "be," and one that you can feel free to express
creatively, rather than to hide or cover up. You must
have a self that corresponds to reality so that you can
function effectively in a real world. You must know yourself—
both your strengths and your weaknesses and be
honest with yourself concerning both. Your self-image
must be a reasonable approximation of "you," being
neither more than you are, nor less than you are.
When this self-image is intact and secure, you feel
"good." When it is threatened, you feel anxious and insecure.
When it is adequate and one that you can be
wholesomely proud of, you feel self-confident. You feel
free to "be yourself" and to express yourself. You function
at your optimum. When it is an object of shame, you
attempt to hide it rather than express it. Creative expres
sion is blocked. You become hostile and hard to get along
with.
If a scar on the face enhances the self-image (as in the
case of the German duelist), self-esteem and self-confidence
are increased. If a scar on the face detracts from the
self-image (as in the case of the salesman), loss of selfesteem
and self-confidence results.
When a facial disfigurement is corrected by plastic surgery,
dramatic psychologic changes result only if there is
a corresponding correction of the mutilated self-image.
Sometimes the image of a disfigured self persists even after
successful surgery, much the same as the "phantom limb"
may continue to feel pain years after the physical arm or
leg has been amputated.